


Alter Ego

by TakaiTotem



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Trans Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 11:12:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13270230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakaiTotem/pseuds/TakaiTotem
Summary: noun(Latin, "the other I") a second self, which is believed to be distinct from a person's normal or original personality. A person who has an alter ego is said to live a double life.





	Alter Ego

It felt weird.

It used to be freeing, being Queens' colorful crime-stopper. Whenever he was Spider-Man, he felt more powerful. Unbeatable. Amazing.

Then it changed.

He didn't know when it changed. Maybe it was when he first faced Thanos and fought alongside the Avengers. Maybe it was when he began to compare his slim and-

_Girly._

-significantly less-masculine physique to those of Captain America and Thor and even the older Peter (aka Star-Lord). Hell, maybe it all began when he saw himself in the news; the way the skintight spandex cling to his figure and accentuated his muscles.

Either way, he knew that it didn't feel right.

It didn't feel right to call himself a man. Who ever heard of a girly man? At least if he was a boy, he could cling to those last threads of femininity that separated him from the countless other males his age. It was weird to call himself a man. He didn't feel right in his own skin. He felt uncomfortable, even when he was alone. Whenever he wore the mask, he felt like one of those criminals from Scooby-Doo. Layers upon layers of costumes to hide his true self.

His. He. Him.

It felt...  _wrong._ Peter couldn't explain it. Those words, they felt wrong to utter when referring to... them. It felt wrong to continue calling themselves Spider-Man.

Spider-Man was the moniker they donned since the night that Uncle Ben died. Maybe that was why they did it. Maybe they wanted to make up for the loss of a great man by attempting to play the part of one. Maybe Spider-Man was what remained of them when they truly wanted to grow into a burly and buff adult. But that wasn't them anymore. At least, when they were left to their own thoughts. They didn't feel like a man, much less a boy.

But they continued to be Spider-Man. They continued to fight crime and save the day. Because that was what Spider-Man-

_He._

-stood for.

Sometimes they were Peter Parker.

Sometimes he was Spider-Man.

Man, their life was confusing.

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking through some journal entries I made back when I was in middle school and I was struggling with gender identity. I eventually settled on my original identity, albeit admitting that I also have major girly tendencies. Sorry if it seems like I'm shaming one side or ignoring the other side, this was really the thought process I went through way back when.


End file.
